|
“When we first meet and fall in love, we get a glimpse into, and feeling
for, the interior world of our partner. We inhale the fragrance and magic of
the other’s essential being. Then come the problems of life and one day,
sometimes sooner and sometimes later, the magic is gone.”
~ Hal and Sidra Stone, Ph.D. ~
Authors of Partnering a New Kind of Relationship
Initially, the magic in a
relationship can be defined as sparks flying, butterflies in the stomach,
longing to be with one another, and an intense attraction. In order to
sustain and develop this magic, a solid foundation of partnership based on
honesty, friendship, respect, appreciation, adoration, compromise, and
commitment must be present. I will share a MAGIC formula (Motivation,
Awareness, Goals, Imagination, Choices) with you
that will outline some ideas and strategies to help you keep the magic in
your relationship and continually grow with your partner.
Motivation - the underlying reasons for our actions. Wanting to have
a relationship because of passion, desire and love as opposed to need,
obligation, and fear allows you to achieve intimacy, to live with more joy
and to magnify each other’s life experiences.
What are the reasons for you being involved in or wanting a relationship?
When you answer this question, you will gain valuable insight into yourself
and the role you play within your relationship.
Here are three things you can do to live with more love and passion:
1.
Attitude of gratitude.
This is one of the most powerful feelings you can have. Take one minute each
morning to identify what you are grateful for in your partner. Before you go
to bed, tell your partner at least three things that you are grateful for in
them.
2.
Support your partner’s passions.
Choose one activity that your partner loves to do and take the time to share
in it with them. Do this weekly. For example, join your partner at the gym.
3.
Take a value inventory.
Ask each other the question, “What is important to you in this
relationship?” Once you have identified what your partner values, write
these things down and post them where you can see them each day. This will
help you stay focused on what is important in your relationship.
Awareness
- having a realization. The
more you know and love yourself, the better able you will be to unite and
grow with another person.
What do you like and/or dislike about yourself? Answering this question will
help to reveal your level of self-esteem. Having a higher level of
self-esteem allows you to give unconditionally more of yourself to your
partner. Having a lower level of self-esteem inhibits us from honestly
sharing. Fear and self-limiting beliefs contribute to a low self-esteem.
The following are things you can do to increase your self-esteem:
1.
Create an awareness journal for yourself. Identify
at least five things that you like about yourself, write them in your
journal, and review them daily.
2.
Create a positive affirmation (e.g. “I am calm and
confident”) that replaces any self-limiting belief (e.g. “I am not good
enough”). Any time you experience a limiting belief, replace it with your
positive affirmation.
3.
Accept yourself as whole, complete, and perfect
right now. If this is a challenge, then act as if you are whole, complete,
and perfect right now.
Goals
- the aims and targets that
you want to achieve. Growth comes from wanting something different, better,
or new. Goals initiate this process and allow you to grow individually and
as a couple.
Three years from now, what would have had to have happened for you to be
happy about your progress? Sharing your answers with your partner can reveal
whether you are both heading in the same direction. How can you support each
other’s goals and establish shared goals?
The following are things you can do to design your life together:
1.
Share individual and relationship goals. Once a
year, take the time to share what spiritual, financial, intellectual,
physical, and professional goals you each have. Establish both short term
(up to one year) and long term (beyond one year) goals. Your goals should be
SMART (Specific, Measurable, Ambitious, Realistic,
Timed) goals. For example, we will take a
Caribbean cruise together
by August 1, 2006.
2.
Develop an action plan. Determine what steps need
to be taken weekly, monthly, and yearly. Write down the action plan and post
it where you can be reminded daily.
Imagination
– the plan-making
department of your mind. Whether you imagine the best or the worst, you will
start to attract it in your life. How you see your relationship is what you
start to attract. It is important to focus on and create pictures in your
mind of what your ideal relationship looks like.
What does your ideal relationship look like? Here are a few things you can
do to stay focused on what is powerful, positive and productive in your
relationship:
1.
Think of a time when you experienced a strong
connection with your partner and re-live this experience in your mind and
body… feel what you felt, hear what you heard, and see what you saw, etc.
2.
See yourself and your partner already having
achieved the goals you have both set.
3.
Act as if you already have the ideal relationship.
Choices
– the decisions you make which help determine your destiny. You have a
choice to be in a relationship and cause the relationship that you desire to
happen.
What choices are you making that nurture and create your ideal relationship?
Here are some action steps to help you make powerful choices and to manifest
your ideal relationship:
1.
Take absolute responsibility for the choices you
make in the relationship. Live by your word and avoid using excuses and
blame.
2.
Create and choose a set of agreements with your
partner which reflect each of your highest values (e.g. honesty, commitment,
respect).
3.
Make a choice to communicate openly with your
partner as the relationship changes and evolves (positively or negatively).
4.
Ask your partner how they like to be loved and love
them in this manner every day. For example, your partner may feel loved
through touch, notes of acknowledgement, loving words, gifts, etc.
My wish for you is to
create the magical relationship you truly desire that is filled with joy,
passion and excitement.
|
